p_f_f_t's Journal

So, I've decided to use this journal for something other than hiding the communities that I am a part of.

And seeing as this is my journal, I think I'm gonna freak about this weekend.

Okay, so, weekend thing. This weekend. I'm going away. To some small town in the middle of nowhere. With a guy. Who seems to want to sleep with me. Even though he is quite aware of the fact that it is more than slightly illegal. Because not only is he 7 years older than me, I'm also a minor in the eyes of the law. I'm 15- he's 22. And he's a complete and utter dickhead, but I still refuse to do anything about it. Or tell anyone, because he's my mate, and he would get into shitloads of trouble. Because pretty much, everything he's said to me is illegal. And I could get him arrested. But I don't want to. But everyone tells me I should. And I'm kinda a little scared about going away with him. To this 'massive farm' where we will be 'all spread out', and where 'no one will notice if we go missing for a while'.

And I'm scared in case something happens. And yet I still won't tell anyone.

On a different note, I feel bad about cutting. Coz I know I should be trying to quit, but I've just kinda given up trying to do anything about it. I just can't be bothered fighting it anymore. Pretty much I've just decided to do what I have to do to get me through the enormous amount of shit I have to do now, through exams, and then deal with it when everything slows down.

It's holidays now, and nothing has slowed down. Maybe life will get better once all these friggin competitions are over. And once I've seen this guy once and everything is fine.

Maybe I'm dreaming.
Maybe my life will never get better.
It certainly looks that way a whole lot of the time.

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